by Marissa Rubin

Man, am I pensive tonight.

I am an ISFJ according to the Meyers Briggs personality test. I need a place to place my emotions, since I supposedly rarely share them according to this profile. But, this is pretty much true of me.  : )

I have had many outlets within my life, most of which involve being by myself. I can’t deny it, I like to be alone.

When I was in elementary school, I would indulge in books. These books encapsulated stories of young girls and their horses, girls who baby sat and had ‘significant’ drama, and of course the adventures of four children who lived in a boxcar. Every once in a while, I would pick up one of my Dad’s old Hardy Boys books or look through my Great Grandfather’s classics such as Don Keyote. I was a dork…glasses and all.

I was big on adventure, even back in the mid-nineties. The expeditions never extended farther than my neighborhood, but I was always prepared. I would pack my backpack with one or more books (of course), a notebook and pen, magnifying glass, and food (always). I would bring my trusty dog, Jack along as well. Jack was my dog (no matter what my siblings tell you). : ) I would find secret spots behind trees and sheds to camp out and ‘spy’ on the suspect neighbors. Oh, it was fabulous. My mind would go wild, accentuating everyday actions of people who came across my path.

When I was about eleven or twelve, shooting hoops was my thing. I never played basketball. I once went to a practice for the Lady Huskies a few towns away, but decided it wasn’t my thing. The coach wasn’t the “nicest” and the girls were way too serious about being top dog. I just liked chilling out, maxing and relaxing all cool and all shooting some b-ball out in the hood. Okay, maybe there was a point I wanted to go pro or something. What kid doesn’t? I would shoot hoops late into the night. I’m sure the neighbors loved me. While dribbling around through my legs and letting that Spalding roll off my fingertips to the rim, I thought about life. Seriously. I don’t recall my deepest thoughts in those days, but they were there.

Then came running. Oh, running. My freshman year of high school, I began cross country. Sure there was that team dynamic that was incredible, but I just as much remember those times running alone. Whether it be while training on back roads in the summertime or striding up a hill at White Clay Creek with an opponent breathing down my neck, it was such a singular, mental sport. I talked to God a lot. There was ample time for it. I can most definitely say that running brought me closer to Jesus. The Holy Spirit taught me new things, gave me new revelations while I was beating my body during those long easy distance runs through the streets of Middletown, Delaware. Go Cavaliers.

Since I graduated high school in 2006, I have been much more immersed in community. Through all this extensive community, I have craved time to myself. I have found it for the most part…except for maybe the year I did Twentyfourseven. That was tough. So, yeah…I still run pretty much every day. And I love sitting in coffee shops, reading, writing, researching. I like people, but I crave that time to myself. Prayer is important, too. I know…I can pray all the time and my prayer is that I would “pray without ceasing,” but that time with my bff es muy importante.

With all this to say, this next year on The World Race is going to be a challenge for me. And admittedly, my greatest fear about the year. I love community. I love serving people. I also love my time to myself. I hope that I can sacrifice more in this area. I pray that God will have His way and give me just what I truly need. I know He will.

Philippians 4:6  “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.”

4:19  “And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.”

Sure, Paul was speaking of physical needs in this letter. But I think the word “all” gives a hint. Plus, I know who my God is. He will give me just what I need each day. It may be difficult in many instances, but it is not at all about my desires.

John 3:30  “He must become greater; I must become less.”

Now to go for a run and ponder all this some more. : )