Yeah, He stays the same.

by Marissa Rubin

I’m home!  It’s refreshing to watch football with my dad, goof off with my sister, run down these back roads like I have for so many years, and eat sugar cereal.  I don’t buy sugar cereal, for I find it’s one more way I can “try” to be healthy.  Plus, plain cereal tastes AMAZING with almond milk and honey.

Christmas shopping w/mom and Linds = awesome

A lot changes in half a year.  My sister is rounding the end of college and big-time planning for the future.  My brother drives his first car like a cool kid and is president of some sort of builders association for his vo-tech high school.  I got a gray hair.  Is it grey or gray?  I’ve wondered this for years…  My parents will be empty nesters very shortly.

Ok, I’m sentimental.  This is a fact.  This was proven when I was about seven and started my first scrapbook.  Not only did I save programs from musicals and birthday cards, but I stuck burnt pancakes and carpet remnants in that album as well.  It might seem as if I like change…having numerous jobs (can’t recall them all any longer), moving to Colorado, constantly rearranging my room, etc…  Well, it’s false in many regards.

I struggle with the fact that my family will never all live at home together again.  The fact that Jack, our family dog who is well over 15 and can barely walk on his back legs saddens me immensely.  My dad will be retiring from the police force soon.  What’s his next move?

It’s evident.  I’m fearful.  There’s no denying this fear of the future, fear of change, fear of lack of security in my family in the future.  I think it’s held me back.  Dwelling on my past and my fear of change has hindered my “becoming all I will be” and going all the places I will go.  Being on my own has hit me.  Growing up has FINALLY hit me.  I can ponder all these emotions for long lengths of time.  The fact is, this is an exciting season.  Although awkward and many times extremely difficult, this is simply (yet extraordinarily) a time for me to take hold of things God has for me.  I can’t dwell on my past.  Things will change, people will change regardless of how much I try to hang on.  I change.

Of course, I could not help but read Ecclesiastes, chapter three this evening.

3:1  “There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven—”

I can also not help but think of an attribute of the Father that I learned in my very first seminary class.  God is immutable.  Yeah, He never changes.  Heck, I’ve heard this since I was a kid.  I take comfort in these things.  I find rest in His presence.  It is the only place I find true security.

James 1:17  “Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow.”

Heb. 13:8  “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.”

So, I guess I’m ready to move on.  I’m ready to position myself to be and do all He has created me for.  I’m ready for life, I think…  This is something I will work through.

Surrender…it’s all about surrender.  Less of myself, more of Him.

“Take my tomorrows.  Take my yesterdays.  Take my inadequacies; my inhibitions.”

I’m letting go again.  I am going to enjoy these next six days at home in Middletown, Delaware with my family.  Merry Christmas, everyone!