Living A Better Story

by Marissa Rubin

I am terrified to write this blog.  There is really no reason to be fearful, and I can’t explain why I am.  Maybe I’m scared because I’ve been floundering.  I’ve been floundering like my dad watching football for hours when he intended on cutting the lawn.  Maybe I’m scared of facing the reality of doing something intentional and uncomfortable with my life.

Actually, I already wrote an entry for this contest about three weeks ago.  It’s still saved in my drafts.  In my opinion, it’s a swell assembly of thoughts.  But, after re-evaluating the guidelines and reading “A Million Miles in A Thousand Years,” I figured out that I missed the boat completely.  Rather than my own story, the previous entry was primarily about helping people, and this was contrary to the suggested guidelines.  Great, now I have to make a more shallow and narcissistic blog.  I’m not as mad as I may sound (insert smiley face).  So, here I am.  It’s crunch time.  This is take two.

Like I said, I’ve been floundering.  Basically, my story sucks.  This is not so from the world’s perspective, of course.  I’ve run a marathon, trekked the Alps, had great days crabbing with my family on the Chesapeake before sunrise, led small groups for teenage girls finding their way through the mayhem of high school, and even ate a duck fetus during missions training for Asia.

After realizing that my first blog missed the mark, I figured I better grab Miller’s book of which this contest/seminar is based.  Amazon got it to Colorado Springs about three days ago, and I regret that I am only about two thirds of the way through.  I was laying on my favorite rock in Garden of the Gods just this afternoon, reading Don’s compilation.  After about an hour of basking in the Colorado sun and sweating through my white beater, I called it quits.  I had just read up to the point about his stellar hike of the Inca trail and his chasing after the girl he adored.  I tightened my Chacos and headed back down the trail to my Jeep, feet slipping in the loose rock and mind reeling.

I have always slacked in school.  I’m a pretty bright egg if I do say so myself, but have never liked the idea of doing assigned work, especially with deadlines.  Maybe it’s an authority issue.  I have yet to obtain my Bachelors.  Recently, I’ve had this abstract notion that I should go to law school.  Ok, it’s more than a notion.  During one of my daily excursions on the Santa Fe Trail, God put the idea in my brain.  I’ve tried to get it to leave, but it hasn’t yet.  I’m scared.  Plus, I’m not sure that I’d even get in!  I’m frightened that failure is upon me, yet I know I should pursue this.  I told my mom and sister of this idea.  I also told my friend June.  June tells it like it is.  She didn’t shoot it down, but she coached me.  June likes to coach, and I think that’s why I told her rather than any of my other friends.  She suggested that I take a related class at a community college to see if I enjoyed the area study.  I told her she was probably right.  I haven’t told certain people of this recent, whimsical ambition.  They will knock me down hard till I convince myself that it’s not a good idea.  I can picture myself back East for Christmas and blurting out the news at dinner.  Responses will range from:  “You are going to be paying off those bills until you’re 50!”  “You didn’t even go to a university…Bible school credits aren’t going to get you there.”  “You should just be a teacher like you originally planned when you graduated high school.”  “What happened to being a missionary, anyhow?”  “Do think that with your past track record you could even make it through one semester?”  Some of these might be said, others will be running through their minds.  Either way, they will all be correct.

So, why do I believe God wants me to go to law school?  I know exactly why.  I’ve been studying, researching, and getting involved in the realm of human trafficking prevention/awareness over the past year and a half.  I’ve always had the vision that I would go over to SE Asia or another trafficking hotspot and rescue victims.  However, last week, at a meeting for the “Human Trafficking Task Force of Southern Colorado,” it was made clear to me that the best possible way to fight this injustice is to go after buyers.  Most of the buyers are in America.  These criminals need to be taken out.  I want them to receive the justice they deserve so that these millions of captives can be given freedom from this horror known as the sex trade.

I am beginning to come to the place where I am willing to work my brain hard.  I am dreading these next few years, for I am seeing a glimpse of what they hold.  The late nights, difficult professors, class rivals, no free time for rock climbing or cycling, and people discouraging my spirit.  I am called to be uncomfortable.  I know this.  For me, this is the most uncomfortable thing that I can fathom.  I would rather be a missionary in Hong Kong, staying in a murderous hostel and eating creepy, gelatin-like seafood.  But, I’ve already done that.  God is calling me out of my adventurous lifestyle for a time to focus in so that I can focus outward.  I think I will like law school not for the grueling study, but for what it will produce in me.  I dream to fight for the abandoned, fatherless, and trapped souls around the world, or even just in my region.  This is my new avenue, my new adventure.  I am going to get the bad guys and stick them with law and order.  Hopefully, this will be accomplished while I’m wearing my men’s white v-necks and board shorts.  I would rather die than wear that business attire with high heels and make up.  Sacrifices.

I’ve rambled on so that a lucky friend and I will have the opportunity travel Northwest for the Living a Better Story Seminar to meet the creator of Don Rabbit and Sexy Carrot.  Here’s the Seminar Link:

In all honesty though, I think this seminar would in theory, help me realize on a bigger scale that I am (we are) meant to do big things, to do hard things.  That we were created to live our lives the way the Creator intended, and we should wake up early each morning ready to tackle and create our individual stories.  I would love more insight on how to tactfully do this and to speak with other folks who burn to do the same.  Here is Donald Miller’s promo for the upcoming seminar: